


Making Amends

by SeaofRhye (orphan_account)



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Before S6, Character Study, Fix-It of Sorts, Forgiveness, Gen, Interlude, M/M, Many S5 Spoilers, Sad Ian Gallagher, Svetlana is a Good Mom, cute baby, post-season five
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 06:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21369478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/SeaofRhye
Summary: Ian and Svetlana finally talk. Post S5 finale. Minor spoilers for S5.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 9
Kudos: 41





	Making Amends

The weeks after Mickey gets arrested are a long, slow nightmare. 

First, Debbie panics and admits that it was her idea to drug Sammi and hook her up to a car battery for turning Ian in. If Ian hadn’t been back on his lithium, he probably would have been angry at her and yet still able to appreciate why she’d tried it. As it was, he was back to feeling like he was breathing underwater and everything was just kind of...distant, like he was watching from a long way away.

Fiona deals with Debbie while Ian takes it easy most of that week, adjusting to the meds. After a while, he starts to feel more alive. By then, he’s able to process the fact that Mickey’s facing charges of attempted homicide and he’s pleading guilty to protect Debbie. 

Ian gets it--he doesn’t even blame him for taking the rap. But he never thought Mickey would go so far as to let his little sister try to hurt Sammi. Yes, she called the MPs on him, but her son had just been sent to Juvie thanks to Carl, and she’d lashed out. He doesn’t forgive her, but he understands why she did it. 

If he’s honest, it was only a matter of time until they found him, anyway. Not like he was planning on turning himself in. 

Worse than that, though, is how any chance of re-enlisting is gone. Even if he never has another manic episode, the US Army made it clear that they won’t take him back. All those years of studying, training, exercising and learning how to follow rules--all of it was for nothing. Genetics fucked him over and now he’ll never get out of the Southside.

Now all he has is the mindless routine of washing dishes at a greasy-spoon.

He almost preferred it when he couldn’t feel anything, because he wants to start punching the backsplash behind the sink if he thinks too long about ROTC, or Mickey, or how he’ll never be “normal” again. 

Even if Mickey was free right now, Ian would still have to avoid him, always reminding himself that Mickey didn’t understand. Mickey fell in love with who Ian used to be--the responsible, reliable guy with dreams of serving his country and being the kind of person his family could be proud of, like Lip. The loyal, loving partner who would never break his boyfriend’s heart by having sex with strangers or running off with a baby whose mother had trusted him to keep her child safe.

Ian isn’t a jackass--all the crying he’d done right before breaking up with Mickey, that had been guilt crashing in about everything he’d put them through. At that moment, he was sure Mickey didn’t really love him. He didn’t want or need Ian the way he was now. Ian couldn’t be with someone who saw him as a responsibility, a sick person to be taken care of. If he wanted to prove that he wasn’t his mother, he had to start with letting Mickey go. 

At least, that’s what he told himself at the time. For days afterwards, he’d regretted it, but it was too late. He hadn’t been able to work up the guts to go to Mickey’s sentencing (he was too afraid that seeing him would make him lose control) and lucky him, he had that to regret now, too.

So the only thing to do is get perspective. He reframes the story as Mickey being guilty of hurting Sammi, of trying to stay with Ian out of pity, and in general just being a crappy boyfriend who never really got him. Eliminating everything he loved about Mickey--his smile, the sex, the peaceful days together, how he smelled, how much better he’d gotten with Yevgeny--leaves him with a nice, bleak picture of a bad ex whom Ian is lucky not to have in his life any more.

Ian focuses on that--on Mickey being someone his mania had inflated and romanticized, not nearly as good for him as he had let himself believe. It was all a beautiful dream, thinking he could have true love and a family of his own. Now he’s woken up. 

One thing he can’t lie to himself about, though, is Svetlana and Yevy moving in next door with Kev and Vee. He sees them almost every day, and he can’t bring himself to talk to Svetlana yet about what he’d done. He knows she must still be angry with him. He misses Yevy, though, and he can’t believe how fast he’s growing. He looks more like Mickey all the time. 

One day, he’s out on the porch when Svetlana walks by with Yev’s stroller, and their eyes meet. He isn’t sure what to do, but she walks right up to his gate and says “Come here” in Russian. 

He’s pretty sure she’s either going to curse him out or kill him, but he doubts she’d attempt a murder in full daylight out on the street. He walks down the steps towards her.

“You’re still crazy?” she says when he gets closer. 

“Um. Not the way I was before,” Ian says hesitantly. “I’m on medication. It helps.”

“You stole baby.”

Ian’s heart sinks. “Lana, I’m so sorry—”

She cuts him off. “I let you stay in our home. Take care of baby. Have sex with my husband. You lose your shit, I don’t know if I make the right decision. Then you steal baby, and I know I was wrong.”

Ian almost can’t bring himself to meet her eyes. “Yeah.”

“Why did you take him?”

Ian blinks. She doesn’t sound angry. She sounds like she really wants a long-overdue explanation.

“I...think I told myself he wanted to go with me,” Ian says slowly, unable to fully remember what his thought process had been between evading Mickey and taking Yevgeny out to the car with him that day. “I guess I thought it wasn’t safe, that we both needed to get away from Mickey.” He shakes his head. “It was a psychotic break. I couldn’t think clearly.”

Now that he’s said it all out loud, he really won’t blame her if she never talks to him again. He basically just admitted to being as crazy as she thinks he still is. 

She glances at the stroller, like she thinks he’s going to try and snatch Yevy again. 

“You are better with medicine?” she says cautiously. Ian nods.

“I’m still getting used to them, but yeah, I’m not manic anymore.” He figures now is as good a time to be honest as any. “It’s…there’s no cure for bipolar, but I’m learning to manage it. That’s all I can do.”

She doesn’t say anything, but Yevy makes a gurgling sound, and Ian’s entire heart clenches in his chest at how much he misses him. 

“I love him,” he says, throwing dignity to the winds. “I still love him, and I would never do anything to hurt him, not on purpose.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You are talking about baby, or Mickey?”

God-fucking-dammit, why did she have to say that? 

“Yevy,” Ian says. He doesn’t care if she can tell that he’s lying. “I get it if you don’t want me around anymore, but I still care about him.”

She doesn’t reply, and he can’t think of what else to say. He’s apologized, explained, and been as honest as he can be right now. Whatever she decides is up to her. 

She goes around to the front of the stroller, unfastens Yev and lifts him up in her arms. 

“You say hello,” she says. “He misses you, too.”

Yevy smiles at Ian and reaches out a chubby hand, and Ian reaches back, grabbing and kissing Yevy’s fist. 

“Hey, Yev,” he says in a choked voice, because he’s so grateful that she's allowing this. He knows this doesn’t mean she forgives him, but it’s a start. It’s more than he thought he’d get. More than he deserves, even.

“Tomorrow you come over, watch baby,” Svetlana declares. “I will watch you. Then we decide if you can be around him more often, yes?”

Ian understands. Of course she wouldn’t just trust him alone with Yev because he says he’s better. She’s a good mom that way. 

“Yeah, of course,” Ian says, letting Yevy grab onto his sleeve. “Thanks, Lana.” He says it in Russian, hoping to cement the truce, and she nods. 

“Say goodbye,” she says, and Ian risks taking a step forward and kissing Yevy on the head. 

“Bye, Yev,” he says, close to crying. “See you tomorrow, little guy.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't satisfied with how distant and cold Ian was towards Mickey in S6, so I figured I would give him a solid reason for being that way while also allowing him to get back on Svetlana's good side and be trusted around Yevgeny again. 
> 
> Thoughts/Opinions Welcome!


End file.
